What Are You Feeding Your Mind?

I am an observer of people. In the quiet mind space I carefully cultivate, there is much room for non-judgmental observation. What happens with Subject A's energy when she eats sugar as opposed to days when she does not? What happens in Subject B's behavior when he watches "the news" for hours as opposed to a day when he goes into town for supplies?

Most people seem unaware of the effects that the Programming they choose has on their thoughts, behaviors and the things they say. When we have unconscious patterns, (ie Rise, Pee, Brush Teeth, Check Social Media,) we're often unaware of how it's affecting our daily actions, because it *is* our daily actions. What we do every day determines our experience, and the quality thereof.

I have gone through periods where I have gotten locked in an unconscious pattern, and it's only after a period of not doing that certain pattern every day that I notice the resulting freedom I feel from it and the change in my overall experience. At the time, I may have told myself, "It's not hurting anything." But if I do it every day, how would I know? How do I know anything any different with which to contrast it?

Anything we repetitively feed our mind is a sort of Programming. Television Programming is an easy one; it is literally called "Programming." But what about the Programming that's in our Subconscious? This Programming spits out the thoughts we repetitively tell ourselves. If, when you were a child, you were told, "you're just not as smart as other kids," that thought burrowed itself down covertly into your Subconscious, affecting every action and behavior around intelligence in comparison with others. We literally live up to our own expectations.

Meditation helps us slow down these unconscious thoughts so that we can begin to observe that they are even there. Only after observation and recognition can we begin to do the healing work to uproot that weed from our mind garden.

The garden of our mind is remarkably fertile soil. Anything we plant there can take root and grow; it all comes down to what we water and tend.

One of my mind garden weeds was one of deep unworthiness, of never belonging anywhere, of not truly being accepted or welcome. In my early twenties, I experienced a great deal of trauma around coming out as gay in a very religious family and community. My m.o. became one of "burn everything to the ground and run away" whenever I felt the hint of rejection or abandonment. I told myself, without realizing, that there was something inherently wrong with me, that I didn't deserve the kind of life and freedom other people did. I didn't have any gay role models. This was around the time of Ellen coming out and long before she was accepted or hip. My boss at the time, (and long-time family friend), called her "Ellen the Degenerate". All the gays I had known of were spoken of in whispers or preached against in church. They were outcasts, on drugs or dead by their own hand - definitely not prosperous and happy. When I realized I was gay, it felt like all my hopes for a future with a secure marriage, house, children - the kind of lives adults had when I was a child - were completely dashed. I was "broken," and I was born "broken," I just didn't know it until I kissed a girl and had that big realization. ("Ohhhhh! ...uh-oh.") It took me twenty years to recognize this mind weed and to begin to try to pull it up by the roots.


Mind weeds are pernicious, and we all have them. In stillness, we begin to uncover the truth of us: that we are of infinite value, that no matter what our manifestation in these physical bodies looks like, no matter what we collect or do or achieve or succeed or "fail" at, our worth is unchanging, because the core of who we are is not touchable by these 3D trappings. They are roles we play. And these roles, these behaviors, these characters we are portraying, are directly affected by the scripts we've written for ourselves. If it falls outside of our script, it is almost as though we cannot even see it; it doesn't exist. This is due to the Programming we have been feeding our minds, which tells us, "life is this way," and what we are able to accept is thusly perpetuated throughout our experience.

But the good news is, YOU are your own gardener! And your life bears the fruits of your garden. The garden goes through cycles - planting, blooming, harvest, and the seeming stillness of winter - externally represented for us so beautifully in the changing of the seasons. The garden can always be replanted with beautiful flowers and nourishing vegetables, rather than the weeds that choke out our hope of change and happiness and success.

So what Programming are you going to choose today? Are you going to choose to plant seeds that will blossom in due time and make your garden rich, beautiful and nourishing? Or are you going to continue to perpetuate a choked-out garden full of the snarls and thorns of fear, limitation, and lack? You get to make that choice.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” - Viktor E. Frankl