What Are You Feeding Yourself?

I have some behaviours I do in secret. And I'm really private about them. Private to the point that I leave details out of a story, so as not to tip someone off to the frequency of my interaction with them. For example, Sometimes, I shame-buy the items that bring me that secret pleasure, (chips and salsa.) And sometimes I buy them in an empowered way, only to end up eating them in a shame-way. It's kind of funny, right? Chips and salsa as my secret shame behaviour that I'm afraid to tell other people about? Some might say, "that's pretty mild, you know - there are people addicted to things that are more obviously harmful or dangerous." But really, it's the intention behind them. I feel guilty about it, because I'm trying to hide it, and because I feel guilty about it, I try to hide it. It's a purchase I try to hide from the people I know. I'm sure I cast out that energy too, like, that nervousness that's like, "don't ask too many

What our heart yearns for is our own love and acceptance, our own non-judgement of self and of others. It yearns for a space where we can live with an open-heart and an open mind, and where we accept self, others, situations and sensations as they arise and subside in our experience. I am learning to pay attention/hold awareness of my body's physical state to help keep my thoughts in check. Our bodies and emotional states are informed by our thoughts. Unchecked, our thoughts can stem from programming instilled in us in childhood, or through television, schooling, religious systems, or other people, and they may not even be what we truly believe from our hearts.  The body is a magnificently sophisticated and complex instrument. In it, we can experience life with all its ups and downs, emotional highs, emotional lows, love and loss. It has its own wisdom to share with us, and tells us in every now moment if what we are thinking feels good or feels bad. Beliefs or thoughts we choose w

(This post was written September 15th, when I was going through a similar quiet time to the one I'm experiencing now.) Sometimes, about once a month, I get very quiet. I communicate sparsely with connections, I don't share what I write, I reveal little about what I'm processing inwardly. Lately has been such a time. I'm currently enjoying a house sitting stay, and with conditions outside rather unfavorable for my usual outside shenanigans, I have been experiencing a life without any in-person interaction for a time. I could leave the house and go seeking it, but I have been in a place of preferring my own thoughts to that of others. And so, I write, and I process, and I clean.  For the first time in a long time, I sat down to watch a series at the recommendation of someone whose recommendations I trust. It was the second series of The OA on Netflix. I experienced so many synchronicities in relation to this experience, it felt meant to be. The whole premise had me rivete

What would happen if you chose to accept yourself and your experience, right now, today, just as it is? What if you chose to see every event of your life, this moment included, as a miraculous "bridge of incidences" leading you to the fulfillment of your Soul's purpose, your life journey, and your heart's desires? What if, instead of dwelling in a state of judgement about yourself and others, ("I like this, I don't like that"; "this is good, this is bad,") you just accepted all of it as marvelously and wonderfully exactly what it was meant to be, right at that moment?  How would you feel if you cut yourself a break? How would you feel if you stopped urging or pushing or shaming yourself from this perfect moment? What if you looked at this moment as containing every single ingredient for what it is you feel like is missing in some way? What if you looked at yourself and your life, right now, as whole and complete, in and of itself? What if nothi

Journaling is a crazy good tool in the process of self-healing. I have come a long way, but I'm still "doing the work" every day. There are several areas in which it is easy for me to get out of balance. There are still old programs in there, perpetuating old story lines onto new situations. There are still shadows in the closet that need to be seen in the light and old wounds that need healing. Journaling helps this a great deal. I spill my guts to my journal. I tell it my dreams, both ones I hope to experience and the ones I experience when I sleep. I write poetry in it. I practice different techniques I learn. I train myself to see new positive programming in ambiguous situations. I write down notes from phone calls and conversations that resonate in meaningful ways. I take notes from books and videos. I write down phone numbers and addresses I want to make sure I keep. I write notes to friends. I work through things, unpack.  I've gone through 3 notebooks and 4 in

"Trust. Let go of the need of trying to figure it all out and of making sense of it. Don't rush and try to fix it right away. Feel it. Allow yourself to come undone and surrender to the mystery of not knowing. Be willing to sit in the darkness as long as it takes. Allow yourself to finally fall, so that you can experience what it feels like to be held. This is the way to the rest that you have been looking for." - Caleb Campbell Let go. Freefall into the arms of what will catch you. You don't have to know what "it" is. It's a mystery that has been pondered and fought over for ages. At my current level of understanding, it makes the most sense to my brain to frame "it" as the Consciousness that is in everything and is everything. It is the building blocks of existence, it is that which looks through the windows of my eyes into the expanse, which is literally captured by the eye and projected onto sensors for my brain to perceive that wh