Trust. Let go.

"Trust. Let go of the need of trying to figure it all out and of making sense of it. Don't rush and try to fix it right away. Feel it. Allow yourself to come undone and surrender to the mystery of not knowing. Be willing to sit in the darkness as long as it takes. Allow yourself to finally fall, so that you can experience what it feels like to be held. This is the way to the rest that you have been looking for."

- Caleb Campbell

Let go. Freefall into the arms of what will catch you. You don't have to know what "it" is. It's a mystery that has been pondered and fought over for ages.

At my current level of understanding, it makes the most sense to my brain to frame "it" as the Consciousness that is in everything and is everything. It is the building blocks of existence, it is that which looks through the windows of my eyes into the expanse, which is literally captured by the eye and projected onto sensors for my brain to perceive that what appears to be solid, separate objects. That's a tree. That's a table. That's Henry, the dog. That's Teresa, my friend. That's a butterfly. That's this other thing. That's not me.

But it's an illusion, because it is *all* Consciousness. So we are part of everything, and everything is part of us. God made everything and God is everything and God is Consciousness. (Following me so far? Good.)

Consciousness is Light. Light is illumination; light is wisdom. Consciousness is also Love. The desire to be unconditionally loved is the foundational driving force within every human being's beating heart. "Love me. Love me. I'm not perfect. Please love me." Because we are love. We are love, and we are loved. We are the lovers, and we are the loved. (And we is just me. And I am everything. And so are you.) I do not know many things about the "Great Spirit" - but I have experienced some things. 

I've had dreams revealing great mysteries to me. In one, Jesus showed me the "Holy Spirit" in my friend Teresa. At the time, I was feeling my abandonment and rejection wounds triggered very badly. I had mentally written the old familiar story on an ambiguous situation that I was not wanted, that I didn't belong. I did not know what to do, and I did not know where to go.

A woman had offered to let me park my Skamper in her driveway, but she rescinded her offer because, she told me, she thought I had a crush on her girlfriend. That triggered other old emotional wounds as well, and I was feeling really messy. Tormented. I called out to Jesus for help.

That night when I finally stopped crying and slept, Jesus came to me in a dream. He told me I was so loved. He held me in his arms. Then he showed me Teresa's physical form to demonstrate the great, white, almost smoky, ethereal indwelling presence of the "Most High". (What I'm doing here with the quotes is using  different language for what I think is essentially talking about the same thing. Healing our language-trauma triggers can heal our relationships. Healing our language-trauma can help us see that we are all the same underneath, not so different after all.)

He showed me so many things. And then he said, "You can trust Teresa." Experience has demonstrated these words to be true. A steadfast, supportive, accepting and understanding friend, Teresa has helped me learn to love myself again, helped me transform. Had I followed my old patterns and ran away before we truly connected, I do not know where I would be now.

I've also experienced the sensation of something, not of my physical form, that is inside me. What is awareness, after all? When we're still, and we do away with the necessity of self-identification*, when we get very deep within ourselves, we find that, in Stillness, there is Awareness. Well, what is Awareness (and where is it?) Another word used for Awareness is Consciousness - the Conscious building blocks of our being. To my current level of understanding, we are, at the quantum level, comprised of literal points of light, points of energy. Energy powered by ... what? Where did it come from? As mysteries appear to be solved, there appear more mysteries to uncover.

*One common practice to do away with the necessity of egoic-identification is to still the mind and ask "Who Am I?" again and again, as you watch the thinking mind spit out self-identifying label after label, and gain recognition of each of the words you've put in your self-identification basket, and how those words do not describe the totality of your being.


I've had many mystical, unexplainable experiences, and they have shaped my life in a "There's-no-going-back" direction. I've felt terrified, helpless, hopeless, elated, ecstatic, bereft, joyful, broken, humbled... I've felt a deep need of service to others... I've had moments that felt like I was being asked to dive off a cliff face-first without knowing what's at the bottom... These kinds of experiences are true faith-builders.

Through these past four really intense years, I have built the faith of Job. I have developed a practice of fearlessness and bravery and compassion that makes me unmovable and unwavering in serving what I know to be right in my heart. I've learned to listen to my Intuition, I've learned to surrender and let go and trust and follow the path, even when the only step I can see is the one directly in front of me.

I've had periods where every step of the journey I was checking back in with the Unseen, be it my Guides, my Angels, my Ancestors, my Angels, my Spirit Animal Guides, God, Jesus, Ganesha - I reached in many different directions as I was trying to establish some sort of connection to something larger than the tiny, constricted, broken existence I somehow found myself in. "Am I still going the right way?" "Are you *sure* this is leading to the life I want?"

I've had periods where I felt super confident and in the Flow and *totally* trusting every step of the journey, days that felt so effortless.

The other day, I was thinking about this and that and how much fun I was going to have house sitting as I was driving to the Garden of Eden house, and my Guides came through with, 🎶"Forget about your woman, forget about your plans, cause today you're working for The Man."🎶 I knew what they were talking about, that they had some plan in mind for my time - something that would grow me, even if the reason why did not appear obvious to me.

Instead of grimacing or feeling fear, I just laughed and wondered what "work" They had in store for me. I accepted it, because now I know, from experience, that when I feel the need to struggle or control or hold on or resist, that is when I need to let go the most. Whatever work in front of me is building me in the direction I need to grow. I now know I can trust the process, the journey, the unfoldment of my becoming.

Like my Dad said, "we're just on one tiny float, but God can see the whole Parade."

Because God is the Parade. God is the people and the floats and the flung candy and the street and the dandelions growing up through the sidewalk. Our eyes are the windows to the Soul, and our Soul is God, and it is God who looks out from those windows.

My point is - you can never be separated from that Consciousness which some call God.

You *can* trust; you can "allow yourself to come undone and surrender to the mystery of not knowing."

Trust. Let go. You will know what to do; you will know when to act. And in the meantime, "Chop Wood, Carry Water." : )

Here is a basic awareness practice with Deepak:

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